When the Christian Home Falls Out of Order: The Cost of an Unbalanced Household
TODAY’S FOCUS IS: The Spiritual Consequences of a Disordered Home
“Every wise woman builds her house, but a foolish one tears it down with her own hands.” — Proverbs 14:1 (ESV)
The Christian home is meant to reflect God’s divine order. When each member of the family fulfills their God-given role, the household thrives. However, what happens when that order is disrupted? What happens when a wife refuses to manage the home, is more committed to her career than to her family, and dominates all household decisions, leaving her husband voiceless? What happens when church attendance becomes irregular because she is too tired, and worse—when she outright states, “I don’t like housework, and I refuse to do it”?
The consequences are profound—not just physically or emotionally, but spiritually. The Bible warns that when God’s design for the family is ignored, the household suffers. Let’s examine the spiritual implications of such a home, the husband’s options, and how to restore God’s intended order.
1. The Role of the Wife in a Christian Home
The Bible does not say that a woman must enjoy housework, but it does teach that she has a responsibility to care for her home.
Titus 2:4-5 instructs older women to teach younger women “to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”
The phrase “working at home” means being diligent in managing the affairs of the household. A wife does not need to scrub floors all day, but she is expected to ensure her home is in order, whether by doing the work herself or making sure it is done.
The Proverbs 31 woman was not a woman who sat idly by. She worked hard, provided for her household, and took pride in making her home a place of peace.
What If She Simply Refuses?
When a wife openly says, “I don’t like housework, and I refuse to do it,” she is essentially rejecting a God-given responsibility. This rejection is not merely about chores—it is about her heart posture toward her home, her husband, and ultimately, God.
Her refusal communicates several things:
Selfishness Over Service – Jesus Himself said, “The greatest among you shall be your servant” (Matthew 23:11). A wife who refuses to care for her home is rejecting the principle of servanthood that Christ modeled.
Disregard for God’s Design – God created the roles of husband and wife to complement each other. By refusing, she disrupts that balance.
Resentment Toward Her Husband – This can cause bitterness to build, as the husband either picks up the slack or watches the home fall apart.
A Poor Example for Children – If children see their mother rejecting responsibility, they will grow up with a warped view of marriage and family life.
A Christian wife does not have to love housework, but she is still responsible for ensuring her home is a place of love, order, and godliness.
2. The Role of the Husband and the Impact of His Silence
God has called the husband to be the spiritual head of the home. Ephesians 5:23 says, “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.”
When a wife refuses her responsibilities, the husband has a difficult decision to make. He cannot force her to change, but he also cannot passively accept dysfunction.
What happens when he stays silent?
The home falls into disorder.
Resentment builds in his heart.
His leadership is undermined.
His children grow up without a biblical model of marriage.
A husband must lovingly but firmly address the situation.
3. The Consequences of Neglecting the Home and Missing Church
A home that is neglected—both physically and spiritually—becomes a breeding ground for chaos.
Hebrews 10:25 warns, “Do not neglect to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”
When a wife is too tired for church, and the family follows her lead, the entire home weakens spiritually.
The cumulative effects of an absent wife and a powerless husband include:
Spiritual Apathy – Faith becomes secondary.
Emotional Distance – The marriage loses intimacy.
Children’s Spiritual Decline – Kids grow up seeing faith as unimportant.
A House Without Peace – Discontentment settles into the home.
4. The Husband’s Options: How Should He Respond?
A husband in this situation must take action. Doing nothing is not an option.
A. Lead By Example
The husband should model diligence, showing the importance of responsibility in all areas. He must not retaliate by being lazy himself.
B. Communicate Lovingly but Firmly
He should sit down with his wife and have an honest conversation:
Explain the problem – “I feel like our home is suffering because we are not prioritizing it as we should.”
Express his feelings – “It hurts when I feel like my leadership is ignored.”
Seek unity, not control – “I want us to work together to build a strong home.”
C. Set Boundaries and Expectations
If his wife refuses to contribute, he must make it clear that certain things will not be neglected:
The home must be managed (whether by her, him, or outside help).
Church attendance should be non-negotiable.
Decision-making must be mutual.
D. Involve a Pastor or Christian Mentor
If she refuses to listen, bringing in a trusted spiritual leader can help restore perspective.
E. Continue Praying for His Wife
Prayer changes hearts. The husband must intercede for his wife daily. James 5:16 says, “The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”
F. Maintain His Own Walk With Christ
Regardless of his wife’s choices, the husband must remain faithful. Joshua 24:15 declares, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Even if his wife resists, he must press on.
5. Restoring God’s Order in the Home
A family that has drifted from God’s design can be restored. It requires humility, repentance, and obedience.
Husbands: Lead with strength and love.
Wives: Reevaluate priorities and submit to God’s design.
Families: Make church attendance and spiritual growth a priority.
Prayer and Repentance: Seek God’s healing and restoration.
Challenge of the Week: Take Action to Restore Order
Husbands: Start leading your home spiritually. Pray with your wife, set biblical standards, and take initiative in decision-making.
Wives: Evaluate if you have been prioritizing work over home and if you have taken control where you shouldn’t. Seek balance.
Families: Make church attendance non-negotiable. Lead your children in prayer and scripture daily.
Let’s Pray
Heavenly Father, we ask for Your guidance in restoring order to our homes. Help husbands lead with wisdom and love. Help wives embrace their roles with joy. Strengthen families to put You first, seek unity, and reject the distractions that pull them away. May our homes reflect Your divine order and bring You glory. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Let’s Get To Work!
Do you think I was being too legalistic here?