My Wife is Challenging—And That’s a Good Thing

TODAY'S FOCUS IS: Embracing the Challenge of Marriage as a Path to Growth

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"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." —Proverbs 27:17 (ESV)

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Michelle and I have been married for 35 years—and I can tell you, without a shadow of a doubt, that we are still madly in love with each other. But has it always been easy? Of course not. Every married couple has their moments, their disagreements, and their challenges. Yet, those very challenges are what make our marriage stronger.

Last night, we attended a Valentine’s Day event at our church—an incredible place here on Hilton Head Island, led by Pastor Michael Carr. The event, Couples Night Out, featured Tom and Cathy Gillum, who gave some amazing teaching on marriage.

Then came a moment that turned out to be both hilarious and profound.

Pastor Carr asked the men in the room, “In one word… describe your wife.”

One by one, the men gave their answers:

• Beautiful.

• Devoted.

• Kind.

• Faithful.

All wonderful words.

Then it was my turn. I confidently said, “Challenging.”

The room erupted in laughter—Michelle included. But I could tell by the look on her face that she was processing what I had just said.

And honestly, it’s the best compliment I could ever give her.

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The Reality of Marriage: A Journey of Discovery

Let’s face it, men—our wives are all of those wonderful words: beautiful, kind, devoted, faithful. But let’s be honest: they are not those things 100% of the time. And guess what? Neither are we!

The truth is, after about five years of marriage, you start discovering flaws—on both sides. There are days when you love your spouse but may not exactly like them in that moment. The beauty of marriage, though, is that we learn to apologize, to forgive, and to move forward together.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says:

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!"

Marriage is God’s way of refining us. It’s not just about companionship or romance (although those things are wonderful). It’s about shaping each other into the people God created us to be.

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Why I Called Michelle “Challenging”

Let me be very clear: Michelle is an incredible wife. She is loving, loyal, compassionate, and one of the hardest-working people I know. She loves God, she loves me (despite my flaws), and she gives her all to her patients.

But she is also a challenge.

Not in the way that some might think. I don’t mean difficult or argumentative. I mean she challenges me to be better.

• She challenges me to love more selflessly.

• She challenges me to trust God deeper.

• She challenges me to be a better husband, father, and man of God.

When I first got married, I had no idea how much marriage would demand growth from me.

Michelle challenges me to lead spiritually in our home. She challenges me to keep my integrity strong. She challenges me to love even when it’s hard.

And I am grateful for it.

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Why Every Marriage Needs a Challenge

Here’s a hard truth: A marriage without challenge is a marriage in decline.

Marriages don’t fall apart overnight. They die slowly—from boredom, apathy, and stagnation.

• When we stop challenging each other to grow, we drift.

• When we stop sharpening one another, we grow dull.

• When we stop pursuing each other, we become distant.

This is why many marriages lose their spark—not because of major fights, but because of a lack of intentional growth.

James 1:2-4 reminds us:

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

The same principle applies to marriage. Trials and challenges shape us into something greater.

Think about it:

• Love isn’t tested when everything is easy. It’s tested when patience wears thin.

• Commitment isn’t proven on the honeymoon. It’s proven in the seasons of struggle.

• Faithfulness isn’t demonstrated when your spouse is perfect. It’s shown when you choose them despite their imperfections.

A good marriage is like a roller coaster—it takes effort to go up the hill, but the ride down is exhilarating.

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What I Pray for Our Marriage

I don’t pray for an easy marriage.

I pray that Michelle continues to challenge me—to keep growing, to keep trusting God, to keep becoming the man He created me to be.

I pray that I continue to challenge her—to love more deeply, to dream bigger, to keep walking in faith.

Because at the end of the day, love is a choice—not just a feeling.

It’s choosing to show up every day.
It’s choosing to fight for each other.
It’s choosing to embrace the challenge instead of resenting it.

And it’s worth it.

Ephesians 5:25 puts it plainly:

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."

Christ’s love was not passive. It was sacrificial, active, and relentless. That is the love I want to have for Michelle every single day.

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Challenge of the Week

Husbands—ask yourself:

• How is your wife challenging you?

• Is she pushing you toward growth, or are you resisting it?

• Are you embracing the challenge of marriage, or avoiding it?

Wives—ask yourself:

• How are you challenging your husband?

• Are you helping him become more like Christ?

• Are you showing grace as he learns and grows?

This week, take a moment to thank your spouse for how they challenge you. Let them know that their influence is shaping you into a better version of yourself.

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Let’s Pray

Lord, thank You for the gift of marriage. Thank You for the ways our spouses sharpen us, refine us, and challenge us to grow. Help us to embrace the challenges of marriage, rather than running from them. Teach us to love each other sacrificially, just as Christ loves the Church. May our marriages be a testimony of Your grace and faithfulness. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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Let’s Get to Work!

Marriage isn’t about avoiding challenges—it’s about embracing them together. Let’s choose to see the challenges as opportunities for growth, love, and deeper faith.

Because at the end of the day, the best marriages aren’t the ones that avoid conflict… but the ones that fight for each other through it.